Journey Through the Spectrum

Living on the Spectrum, Seeing the World Differently.

My grandpa was a remarkable man. I admired his accomplishments in mathematics and statistics. He had this innate ability to absorb data and distill it, extracting value out of it. His ability to hyperfocus in these key areas helped him to become a multi-millionaire Actuary. But man, did I absolutely hate the guy. I respected him but hated him. He had the demeanor and mannerisms of Mr. Burns. It wasn't years later until I got my assessment that I realized he had Asperger's (HFA). This is the man I inherited my genetic disorder from.

Have you ever seen a broken clock? Its tick rate and timing aren't quite right, that's how I would describe Asperger's. There are two types of people in this world: neurotypical (normal) and neurodivergent (spectrum). The best way I could describe it is it's like speaking two different languages. I've kind of always been known as the oddball, weirdo, etc. As I've gotten older, I now realize I have a completely different communication style than the norm.

Being on the spectrum, you're usually at the bottom of social hierarchies. I've noticed neurotypical people are competing and vying for popularity as the default status game. I think it's a weird paradox, almost like a hive mind way of thinking. I will say the great thing about consistently being at the bottom is that you genuinely don't give a sh*t about other people's opinions. It's like viewing the world 30,000 ft above the air, it completely changes your decision-making.

Masking, it's an interesting topic. How would I describe it? It's like playing a role in a film. You observe the tendencies, the nuances, and the mannerisms of the environment around you and mimic the behaviour. When I'm actively in a conversation with someone, I'm focused on so much more than just the conversation. I'm thinking about eye contact, nodding, smiling, actively listening, things that are all unconscious by default. I'm actively thinking about them. Even still, I'll completely miss something that's so obvious to everyone else around me, that just flies over my head.

Have you ever seen Kenny from South Park? Well, being on the spectrum, you're going to be getting bullied at an unreal rate, it's just par for the course. People just don't like what's different, I've noticed. I think this has given me a mental advantage. Think about an uncut gem that's been forged in the flames of fire, turned into a diamond. I've become very calm in high-stress situations. I have this weird superpower where I can de-escalate heated arguments. Usually, I'm confused trying to figure out what triggered the reaction. Ironically, it makes me non-reactive and neutralizes the situation. In most cases, I know it's coming from a place of deep insecurity.

I remember growing up as a kid, I would collect hundreds of Batman toys, watching every movie, TV show, even dressing up playing the role of the Dark Knight. This is what I would classify as a special interest; it's when you get absolutely obsessed with a topic. People on the spectrum have this crazy ability to hyperfocus on a subject for long periods of time. Have you ever seen that movie Limitless? It's like popping one of the NZT-48 pills, it's a game changer. Combining your special interest with the ability to hyperfocus is a deadly combination. I believe this is why people on the spectrum, like my grandpa, accomplish great feats.